Wednesday, May 9, 2012

"Nights are Forever Without You"

The England Dan and John Ford Coley hit from the mid 1970's pretty much sums up how I am holding up right now. I'm finally managing to get close to a full night's sleep without waking up every couple hours. I know the sleeping will get better. Right now I'm trying to get a lot of the administrative stuff done before I start my new job. The challenge of the new job will also contribute to some insomnia, but that will abate when I start contributing and earning my keep.

Lucy wanted me to move forward. I've been trying to do many of the things Lucy and I would do together: walks, gardening, household chores, grocery shopping. It's strange coming up from the basement office and not seeing her in her glider rocker watching TV or reading; that was always a good time to do something incredibly ridiculous to get her to laugh. When we would go for our almost nightly walks, I would get her smiling or laughing a couple times; now it's a quiet time to reflect. Gardening was semi-serious business for us and we enjoyed doing it; it still is enjoyable. I would help Lucy with household chores, though I was usually relegated to yard duty; I have a much deeper appreciation for single mothers now since they do so much on their own. We both hated grocery shopping though I would try to lighten things up; now it's a task to get done.

For those who have asked, I am eating properly. I dropped a lot of weight mostly because Lucy and I changed our diets to help her cancer battle. I'm still down almost 70 pounds and intend to keep it off. I had bought a suit about four years ago for a sales presentation. I showed Lucy's siblings how it no longer fit "Biggest Loser" style. The pants nearly went around me twice.

I had a friend tell me a long time ago that just because you no longer cry for someone doesn't mean you no longer love them. What happens is as the sadness and sorrow diminish, happy memories fill in those spots. I'm already finding that out firsthand. Love conquers sorrow.

It's everyone's kindness that is helping so much right now. Thank you Ginger for sending a nice sympathy card and note today. Thank you Julie for calling to see how I was doing and for getting me to laugh a little. Thank you Cathy from GBS taking time from your hectic schedule to allow me to pick up Lucy's belongings at work Each of those acts is deeply appreciated.

So here's hoping for some rare events in the near future: rainless days in May and the Twins winning some ballgames. Let your loved ones know you love them, and thank you for your time.

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