Saturday, August 11, 2012

"Come Monday" (it will be four months)

Unlike me, Lucy was not a Jimmy Buffett fan. After we had been dating a year, I took a job that required "10% travel". The problem was 10% was closer to 80%. I spent quite a bit of time in Los Angeles, so I was quite familiar with "I spent four lonely days in the brown L.A. haze, and I just want you back by my side."

Come Monday, it will be four months since Lucy died. I haven't been in the brown L.A. haze in over 25 years, but I still want Lucy back by my side. The grief counselors have said it can take a year for most of the healing to occur. I don't think they have counted on another family death and a very stressful job. If I were to believe Nietzsche, "What does not kill me, makes me stronger", I should be invincible and immortal by now rather than missing her with every beat of my heart. It's an adjustment alright.

I'm still having some problems with staying organized. I found my Houlihan's birthday perk tonight and had to use it because it was expiring tonight. Note to self: jambalaya just before 90 minutes of yard work is not recommended. No one ever recommends a big meal before a workout.

The Japanese beetle infestation is tailing off for the year. My roses are fairing OK. We have been getting slightly more rain, as evidenced by the new crop of mosquitoes. The cooler and less humid weather has been nice, too. On nights like tonight, Lucy and I would be sitting in the porch listening to the tree frogs, crickets and toads. We would watch the fireflies twinkle and enjoy the cool breeze. I haven't seen any fireflies yet, and I'm surprised to hear an occasional cicada.

The reason I'm posting tonight instead of Monday is I expect to be inundated at work come Monday. I was off Monday, Thursday and Friday.

And here's something for the computer geeks: On the plus side, I did have to replace the hard drive on my desktop system (Vista Business) which was relatively painless. And I have figured out how to get the VPN at work to deal with dual monitors at home. The downside, my two monitors are mismatched, so RDP (mstsc) has a hissy fit during certain screen operations. Costco might have some 24" Dell monitors that should work. That should allow me to spend less time in the office because I can work a couple hours from home with almost the same set up as at work. The video card I have is a triple head card, so I could run three monitors. The system at work has a dual head video card. RDP gets confused enough the way it is, so I'll stick to two monitors at home.

As I have been so painfully reminded these past twelve months, life is unpredictable. Lost opportunities can become regrets, so eliminate a huge regret before it happens. Make your hugs meaningful, and never miss an opportunity to tell your spouse, partner or significant other that you love them. Let your loved ones know you care for them, even if they know. Brighten someone's day by smiling. I did that with Lucy every day we were together. I miss her, but it's not the paralyzing sense of loss many people experience. I'm sure it's because we had no regrets with each other.

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